No, Landon. You may not say that word!

When you live with two boys ages 13 and 8, the air is filled with crude and questionable vocabulary. I'm very careful what and how I say things, as they are always on the alert for me to slip up. Yesterday, Landon busted me.
Already on a tear for something else Gary was supposed to do and hadn't, I walked into his room and noticed an almost empty gallon of sweet tea partially under his bed. I neither buy sweet tea, nor allow food outside the kitchen. He'd had multiple friends over this weekend, so it must've traveled to our house with one of them. I demanded, "Why is there a gallon of tea in your room? Where did this come from?" I was met with three blank stares. Peering at Landon I asked, "Is it yours?" He shook his head no. I glared at Gary, "Is it yours?" He silently shook his head no. With the same angry tone I asked Austin, "Is that yours?" He continued to shake his head in unison with the other two. No one uttered a sound. I knew they were guilty, but I wasn't asking the right question. I grabbed the jug, held it up, and noticed that it was a little off color. Then I gasped, and before I could catch myself I screamed, "Is this piss????"
Their faces changed from fear to total shock followed by uncontrolled laughter. It took Landon all of 2 seconds to announce, "Mom said a bad word. I KNEW YOU SAID BAD WORDS!!! I KNEW IT I KNEW IT!!!!!!!!!!! CAN WE SAY PISS TOO????" 
Once the tension broke and laughter subsided, Austin admitted that he'd brought it over and forgotten to take it home the night before.

Look, A Bear!!!!

No, there's not really a bear, but Landon is perfecting his distraction technique.

The other day we took the boys to a birthday party. They played on a water slide for a while before we ate supper and cut the cake. Gary decided to sit out which was fine with Landon in the beginning, but he soon became bored without his #1 accomplice. Landon's game switched from playing in the water to running to mommy to tattle on the other kids. I began to watch him more closely and witnessed him pushing a little boy - the same boy he had just accused of pushing him 5 minutes earlier. He didn't know I had been watching and ran immediately to tattle again. After he finished his story I asked, "Well Landon, do you know what I just saw?" He knew immediately that I had witnessed the entire incident. His eyes grew wide. He gasped, then slowly answered "A dinosaur?"
What the heck??? I was so surprised at that answer, I was speechless and every other adult in the vicinity roared with laughter! I couldn't help but join in. Landon 1 : Mommy 0

Last night, Randy cooked steak for us. Landon loves steak and will usually eat all that he can get his hands on. This one was a cheaper grade, not our usual tender ribeye or fillet. Randy inhaled his plate before any of us finished. He was still hungry so he poured a bowl of Cheerios and sat back down to the table with us. Landon had two bites of his steak left, but saw Randy's cereal and told him he was tired of chewing and he wanted some cereal too. Randy told him no, and to finish his steak. Landon waited a few minutes, got up from the table, walked around the stove, then approached Randy. We'd all forgotten about his cereal request by then. Standing right next to Randy's chair, Landon started chatting with Randy. Once Randy was fully immersed in conversation, Landon subtly pulled a spoon from behind his back, dipped it in Randy's bowl, lifted a huge bite of Cheerios to his mouth, then dropped the spoon to his side. He was headed for his second bite when Randy realized what had just taken place right under his nose! Landon 1 : Daddy 0

I can't get no sa-tis-faction

Gary has recently started getting creative with his words. Landon complains enough for the whole family so I've pretty much shut Gary off from any negative talk about ANYTHING to try and decrease the negative influence he may have on Landon. He gets plenty from "the world". Anything added from the coolest kid on the planet just makes Landon ten times worse!

It's VBS time again. Gary hates going and always has, but he endures the pain for one week in the summer to pacify me. What an awesome kid! He knows he's not allowed to complain in Landon's presence, so just before walking into church this morning he states in the most grown up voice he can muster at 7:45 a.m. "Mom, I just want you know that I am not satisfied with this!" I grinned and politely thanked him for cooperating. We kept walking, went inside, and I checked them in. Before I turned to leave Landon exclaimed, "I hate Bible School!!!" I kissed them both and ran before they had a chance to chase me!! Hopefully they'll have a super fun day and tomorrow will be a little easier on us all.

Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me

Last night, Landon told me something that was entirely believable, but I knew it wasn't true.. I asked him if he was telling me a story. He said, “What’s that mean?” I told him, it’s the same thing as a lie. He said, “Oh, yea… I tell stories to my friends all the time!” I asked him what kind.

"I told them that me and my daddy and my dog have a real pirate ship. For real! And we found it under the water. They didn't believe me and I told them, 'I'm positive!' I told 'em me and my daddy and my dog are all real pirates, too. I promise! I just kept saying, 'I promise!, I'm positive, I mean it,' and now they believe me"

I was cracking up and he was too!!!! He was so proud of his “stories”. Remind you of anyone who went to school with a bandage around his head and crutches? Or anyone who might've told the school they had cancer? or a monkey heart (with a scar to prove it)?

Daddy Discipline

I'm usually (99.99%) the disciplinarian of the household and am always looking for new ideas. Randy has taken on the reigns a few times in the last couple of weeks with some very creative correcting techniques! 1. If Gary makes any C's on his report card again, he has to lose the shaggy hair and get a short haircut like Randy 2. The boys were playing in the house and Randy was working on his truck the other day for a short time will I was grocery shopping. They couldn't get along (Landon kept coming outside crying and tattling) so he made them each sit in a chair on opposite ends of the front porch until he finished what he was doing. The kicker was: it was in the 40's that day and he didn't let them go back in to dress before assigning posts. Landon was wearing a long sleeve shirt, shorts, and flip flops. Gary was wearing basketball shorts, no shirt, no shoes. I don't think they've EVER been so happy for me to get home so they could tattle on daddy for making them sit outside naked for 30 minutes and freeze to death!!! In reality, it was less than 10 minutes, but it definitely "cooled them off" :) 3. In response to the muddy cast incident below, he grounded them both from going outside until Landon's cast came off (a whole week later!). That's probably the longest they've ever gone without playing outside.
Kudos to Randy for some nifty ideas!

How do you spell trouble?

L-A-N-D-O-N-G-A-R-Y-M-U-D

I really should be proud they went almost 8 days without getting muddy. But he has another six days to wear this disgusting thing!!!

Casts aren't just for broken bones!

The story from last night goes like this... While Gary and Landon were in bed playing their Leapsters, I told Randy that Landon got in trouble for hitting a kid at school with his cast. Randy called Landon who immediately leaped around the corner wearing his favorite black glasses with the bushy eyebrows, nose, and mustache attached.
Me - Landon, tell Daddy what happened at school today.
Landon - (still in the glasses and looking so sincere) Nothing!
Randy - Did you get in trouble for hitting someone with your cast?
Landon - Oh, yea, that. (not really concerned)
Randy - Did you hit him?
Landon - Yea
Randy - Why?
Landon - Because Jace hits me all the time so hard that I almost die! So hit him really hard with my cast! But Mrs. Smith only made him apologize one time. I had to apologize 90 times because I made him cry!!! (He was ticked off about apologizing so many times, but extremely proud that he was finally able to get even..)

I hope that cast is really strong and very tight. Yesterday evening before church, I found Landon hanging on a vine with both hands - swinging like a monkey! Should he be doing that? It's actually kind of useful. 1. for fending off the enemy 2. for hanging bags on - last night, he helped me carry stuff upstairs - my angel :)